My Dearest Lily
by 8thweasleykid
Summary: Severus writes a letter to Lily as a last attempt to win back her friendship. Rated M for intense snogging and the 'S' word.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of HP nor do I make any profit from it.**

**Summary: Severus writes a letter to Lily as a last attempt to win back her friendship. **

**My Dearest Lily**

My Dearest Lily,

I am writing you this letter because I lack the courage to tell you my feelings in person. We have been friends since we were 9 years old; you were my first real friend, and my only true one. Even to this day, even though we have parted ways, in my heart you are still my dearest friend. The very first moment my dark eyes met your emerald green I knew we were connected in some way, that we belonged together. I remember going home and telling my mother that I met the girl I was going to marry one day and for years I never wavered from that hope. Even now, as you are engaged to the very wizard you once cursed under your breath and had loathed so entirely. Even now, I hold onto that hope.

I know you believe me a Death Eater, many do, and while I keep company with those who hold that title I have not been branded. Not yet. I have nothing Lily. My mother's gone, you are gone, I have nothing. They have promised me power, respect, revenge, and they are tempting offers, Lily. But I tell you this, I will give them all up, if you will only come to me. Talk to me, finally forgive me and once again call me friend.

I love you, Lily.

I am in love with you.

I know that I do not deserve your love but I cannot change what my heart feels.

You will marry Potter and he will be able to give you everything you could possibly dream of, and I will not try and stop you. All I ask is for your friendship. I miss you presence in my life Lily. I miss our witty debates, working on potions and spells together, even just taking walks by the river.

I have been asked to attend a 'party' this Saturdays, I have a feeling _he _will be there. Please Lily, give me a reason not to go. I cannot promise that I will suddenly become a light wizard but I will stay away from the dark. You are my light Lily, without you all there is, is dark.

With all my Love,

Severus.

XXX

Lily squeezed her eyes shut tight as she willed away the tears. She hadn't said more than two words to her former best friend in over two years. She would admit, if only to herself, that she missed him. They had known each other for so long… the last year before she stopped speaking with him they fought constantly, and she had always ended up wanting to scream or cry. She just couldn't fight anymore, not with him, not when she knew it was a losing battle.

She still didn't really understand how she ended up falling for James. She had always thought him cute, funny, and charming, a lot of girls did, but he was also a pompous ass and a arrogant toerag. It wasn't until their 7th year that he seemed to mature, he had been made Head Boy and he had stopped bullying Slytherins and so she gave him a chance and somehow ended up falling in love with him.

She had never thought of Severus in a romantic way. There were qualities about him she liked, his eyes fo one, they were dark and mysterious but also she could see the pain and fear that swirled inside them. He had a deep baritone voice, and when he did laugh she very much enjoyed hearing it. Was it possible that she could have developed romantic feeling for her best-friend given the chance? Maybe, but she supposed it was a moot point.

His letter had unnerved her, not only his declaration of love but that he cared for her so deeply that without her he saw no point staying away from the temptation of the dark.

_You are my light Lily, without you all there is, is dark._

She didn't know if she could trust him well enough to call him friend again, but she couldn't allow him to be marked by evil. So she would go to him, talk to him, and hope for the best.

XXX

Severus sat in an old worn thread born recliner that once belonged to his now deceased mother as he stared at the dying embers of the fire. Aside from Lily, his mother was the only person Severus ever felt like he could trust and now she was gone. The healers said it was it was rare blood disorder, usually it could be treated with potions but she hadn't used her magic in so long her magical core was, in a way hibernating, and so the potions wouldn't work properly. She died two days before her 40th birthday.

At the sound of a soft knock on his front door, he slowly stood, grabbing his wand from a nearby side table. Very few people knew where he lived, so it was most likely some muggle trying to sell him something, still better to be safe than sorry. When he opened the door, however it was not a peddler on the other side but the face of the woman he loved.

"Lily." Seveus' lips turned into a rare smile at the sight of his beautiful childhood friend.

"I got your letter," she said softly, "can I come in?"

"Of course," he opened the door, happily allow her into his home. She took just a few steps inside as her eyes began to wonder around the entryway and sitting room.

"It looks different since the last time I was here."

Severus exhaled a deep breath and nodded, "Yes, I…changed a few things." He had gotten rid of all of his father things when his mother passed, some he had replaced, some he had not. He also change the color of the walls. "Would you like to sit?" he asked motioning to the loveseat by the fire.

"Okay."

Lily sighed as she sat, her eyes went to the fire in front of her. "I… I don't know what to say, Sev. I…" pulling her Gryffindor courage forward she looked up into his eyes. "I never knew you felt that way about me."

Severus just laughed as her stretched his am over the back of the couch, "That's because I was to chicken shit to tell you."

A slight blush rushed to her pale cheeks at his words. "Oh, I see."

"I get that you don't feel that way about me, Lily or at least I understand that your engaged to a... well, someone else. Though out of all the eligible wizards in the world why you would pick that dunderhead is beyond me."

Lily gave a small laugh of her own, "I guess he sort of grew on me."

Severus snorted and shook his head, "You hated him for years and then, just months after you stop talking to me you get all chummy with him."

"I don't know Severus it just sort of happened." She didn't understand it either, really, but it was what it was, she loved him and she was going to marry him.

Severus gave a humorless laugh as he stood, "Right" he said moving toward the fire place. Crossing her hands over his chest his gaze went to the two pictures that rested on the mantel. One of he and his mother when he was sixteen and one of he and Lily the day they left for Hogwarts.

"I don't have much Lily. I couldn't give you a mansion or fancy robes or house-elf's to wait on you hand and foot, but you would have my love, my devotion.

Lily sighed as rose from the couch. She believed his words completely. Severus was never one to give false sentiment of any kind. Walking over to him she placed a hand gently on his shoulder.

"I know you would Severus. Although you hide it you do have a good heart."

Shaking his head he turned to face her. "Only when it comes to you", he whispered then reaching up and cupping her face, "I love you Lily, I love you so deeply it hurts." And then Severus Snape did something he had been longing to do since he was twelve years old, he leaned in and kissed her.

Lily had been kissed before, obviously. But never in her life had her body reacted the way it did when her best friend kissed her. It wasn't just her mouth that felt that kiss but her entire body. "Lily," he whispered, before spending peppered kisses down her neck, "Love you so much."

"Sev… this isn't right," As much as she was enjoying this, she was engaged to James, she was being unfaithful. She couldn't do that to him.

"Let me show you," He breathed, his nimble finger sliding down to the buttons on her blouse, "Let me show you have wonderful a lover I could be to you."

She was trying desperately to make her body stop wanting his touch, to pull away, to run out that door and never look back. She had come here to convince Sev not to become a Death Eater not to…

"Sev, I… shouldn't… James…"

"Has you for the rest of your life", He said as he undid the last button, than sliding her shirt from her shoulders, allowing it to fall to the floor. "Just give me this one night… please."

His warm hand moved to the small of her back, her skin was so soft, so amazing. He said nothing but listen to the moans of the woman in his arms as his hand slowly made its way to the clasp of her bra.

"Just one night," He breath un snapping the small clasp.

"I… I came here to…oh God, Sev…"

Her bra now lay next to her shirt, Severus' held a plump breast in each of his hands, squeezing them gently.

"I came here t-to talk you out of j-joining You-Know-Who. Oh Jesus Sev!" He had replaced one of his hands with his mouth.

Severus moaned in pleasure at the taste of Lily's breast in his mouth. He was careful not to suck to hard, he didn't want to hurt her. While he sucked and kissed one breast he continued to massage her other every so often rubbing her nipple gently between her thumb and forefinger.

Placing her hands on his chest she forced herself to push away from him "We have to stop, Sev. I-I want to but I can't do this to James."

Sighing, he shook his head, "Please," He begged, once again cupping her face with his large hands, "Give me this night Lily, give me your body and I won't become a Death Eater."

"I thought you wanted my forgivness and friendship."

"I do and if that is all you will give me then I will take it, but I cannot stop myself from desiring more."

Lily bit her bottom lip, closing her eyes she shook her head at the internal battle playing in her mind. Why was she even allowing him to do this? She was standing here, in his sitting room, half dressed… having a very intense snog and despite knowing how wrong it was she was enjoying it immensely. She knew how he felt about her, he had confessed his feelings in his letter, but she had never expected him to act on them or her to allow it.

Taking her hand Severus lead her back to the couch, picking up her discarded bra and shirt along the way.

"I would never force you into anything you do not wish," he said handing her the clothing. "As I said, if your forgivness and or friendship is all you will give me then I will take it—whole heartedly."

Lily looked down at the clothing she now held her her hand, twisting a piece of the fabric around her finger.

"If I… if we… do this, w-will you tell anyone."

Severus smiled, though he forced himself not to smirk. She wanted him as badly as he desired her, and he wondered if a part of her always had.

"If that is what you wish I will never speak of our night together to anyone other then you and I."

Lily nodded as reached up, running her hand though his long, dark hair," You really need a cut," she said with a laugh." And then… she kissed him.

XXX

It had been one week since Severus had been intimate with Lily Evans and it was the best night of his life, at least up to that point. He hadn't spoken to her since but she did send him a brief note saying she would be in touch soon and that although she was currently busy planning a wedding, that when things setteled down they could have lunch. She also noted that when they did meet she would be checking for ugly tattoo's.

Severus had laughed when he read that. No he did not take the Dark Mark. He had kept his promise and did not attend the party that Saturday. He had gotten a visit from Malfoy the following morning who inquired as to why he was absent, which was not completely unexpected. He simply told him while his ideals were the same he did not feel comfortable enough with The Dark Lord's philosophies to take his mark.

Lucius had called his a coward among other things, but he didn't care. He had his Lily and this time he would keep her. At the moment they were just friends but if he played his cards right and with a little bit of luck, perhaps they could become more.

**A/N: So this is just a little one shot I wrote ages ago, I may turn it into a drabble series but we will see.**

**Please Review**


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